It really seems like many brides and grooms ask themselves this question, especially when they try to pay for their own weddings, so I don’t think I’m off when it comes to mentioning it here.
As more and more couples live together before their wedding nowadays, and as the age at which they marry has increased, it often happens that most items they could need–what traditionally was offered as wedding gifts–are already between their hands, and that they don’t actually need to set up a household. What about asking for money as wedding gifts, then? Is it in poor taste, and bad etiquette display? Or is there a way to do it without appearing rude?
The first rule is that you don’t ask for money, and don’t include such a request in your wedding invitation (nor a request for any gift, by the way): it IS considered rude. Even if you’re directly asked about it, tradition still demands that you don’t openly mention it. However, you may have someone else get the word out for you and let other people know in passing that “since you’re asking, any gift is welcome, you can have a look at their registry, but I also know know that money would be a good idea because [insert reason here]” (people generally like to know that such a gift would be put to a particular use). After all, wishing to save up to buy a house, for instance, or covering a down-payment for a mortgage, isn’t a silly reason at all to prefer money to other types of gifts, and one definitely couldn’t blame you taking care of what is useful to your household.
So, tradition-wise, asking for money still remains a delicate topic. Nevertheless, most people are aware that a lot of young couples would need it all the same–rather than a pretty gift that is of course nice, but not necessarily the most useful item they could wish for. Therefore, knowing how to ask for it indirectly may very well wield positive results without causing a fuss nor making anyone angry with you.
As a side note, you should still put together a small registry: there will always be people who will prefer to offer a specific item as a gift no matter what, and this will allow them to do so without making you appear like you’re white-knuckling them because “money or nothing, they haven’t left us any other choice”. Some companies also give you the option of setting up a registry where guests can pay for “gifts” (e.g. a dinner out at this-or-that famous restaurant) that, minus a small fee, will be in fact given to you as cash. This may seem tacky to some, but depending on what you wish to use the money for, if your guests can still feel like they’re really taking part and not just handing out fat dollars or signing a check, you might want to keep such a solution in mind.